Sophomore Year: The Transitional Stage...
Sophomore year is awkward.
Sophomore year was my most difficult year of school by far. This year resulted in more bad moments than one could wish for. My cousin Mike, who was like a brother to me, had committed suicide during my second semester of freshman year. This left a prevalent and permanent permanent scar on me that summer, and caused me to fall into a fairly deep depression. It rolled over into my first semester of sophomore year, effecting me more than I expected it to. I also "fell in love" for the first time (or what we thought was love at the time) and got my heart broken. My sister, who was my best friend, left for college my sophomore year and rarely came home. I was in a bad state. I hated going to school that year. I constantly wished that I was home-schooled, I became enclosed and seclusive, I removed myself from my group of friends and I started to hang out with a bad crowd. I think I tested my limits a lot this year and attempted to rebel against the ordinary. I wanted someone to tell me where to go or what to do. I didn't want to figure things out for myself. It's so weird looking back on some of my writing, because I can see how much these feelings are reflected in my writing.
My writing became depressing, short and dark. It reflected who I was during that time in my life, which was lost. Much of my writing didn't make sense. There was no rhythm to it and no reason in it. I wrote poetry and songs in my spare time, to try and escape reality, but all my writing was very dry. I wrote a lot for other people during this time in my life, a cry for attention I suppose. There was a point that I wrote in my LiveJournal in December of 2004, "I'm not going to write anymore unless people start commenting. If no one's reading it, there's no point in writing it." My writing became bland and boring because it wasn't by me anymore. It was writing by a girl who was trying to be someone she wasn't. Re-reading my writing only made me more sad because it was all so fake. This was one of the hardest times in my life. It was a year of change and of transition, and all the stress and sadness I felt that year is very much reflected in my writing from that time period. I found that many of my journal entries ended in something similar to, ""Sry that my journal entries are always boring and sad....im just a boring and sad person."
The one point of solace in my life was theatre. I began to get very involved in theatre my sophomore year of high school. This resulted in exposure to different forms of writing, mostly with plays and musicals. We did have experience in writing and interpreting play-writing, which is really the only true writing I did during sophomore year. I enjoyed theatre because it helped me escape for a little while. It helped me become someone I wasn't. If I could write a play and create different characters and a different life for them, it helped me to feel like I was in control of something in my life. I'm thankful that theatre played a role in my life that year, because it was the one thing that kept me on my toes. It eventually helped me to bounce back into place my junior year, and begin to feel happy and at ease again.
My writing became depressing, short and dark. It reflected who I was during that time in my life, which was lost. Much of my writing didn't make sense. There was no rhythm to it and no reason in it. I wrote poetry and songs in my spare time, to try and escape reality, but all my writing was very dry. I wrote a lot for other people during this time in my life, a cry for attention I suppose. There was a point that I wrote in my LiveJournal in December of 2004, "I'm not going to write anymore unless people start commenting. If no one's reading it, there's no point in writing it." My writing became bland and boring because it wasn't by me anymore. It was writing by a girl who was trying to be someone she wasn't. Re-reading my writing only made me more sad because it was all so fake. This was one of the hardest times in my life. It was a year of change and of transition, and all the stress and sadness I felt that year is very much reflected in my writing from that time period. I found that many of my journal entries ended in something similar to, ""Sry that my journal entries are always boring and sad....im just a boring and sad person."
The one point of solace in my life was theatre. I began to get very involved in theatre my sophomore year of high school. This resulted in exposure to different forms of writing, mostly with plays and musicals. We did have experience in writing and interpreting play-writing, which is really the only true writing I did during sophomore year. I enjoyed theatre because it helped me escape for a little while. It helped me become someone I wasn't. If I could write a play and create different characters and a different life for them, it helped me to feel like I was in control of something in my life. I'm thankful that theatre played a role in my life that year, because it was the one thing that kept me on my toes. It eventually helped me to bounce back into place my junior year, and begin to feel happy and at ease again.
